Surprising Reasons You are Self Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

See this quote above? Yes, it’s from the start of the year. I knew I wanted to write about self-sabotage, mostly because I’m realizing more and more that I have a not so healthy relationship with it. I saw this quote back in January, there are many other really good introspective quotes at Source Messages, and held off writing about it, because I really wanted some time to mull it over. 

The lines that struck me the most were: “You’re no longer sabotaging situations when they’re going well. You’re seeing things for what they are instead of through the lens of your past conditioning.”

Sabotaging things when they’re going well? We do that? That’s a thing? Apparently yes, we do. Also apparently, enough of us do it that it is, in fact, a thing. 

I, for one, can think of plenty of times when I’ve sabotaged my life when things started to go well… friendships with people I really clicked with and then I let my imposter syndrome get the better of me, and I would start avoiding the person. Having a great idea for a passion project but then never pursuing it (did I mention that this blog was originally going to be about container gardening. But I never got it off the ground?). Having an opportunity at work to really shine, but then not exactly giving it my all. So many ways and so many times. 

But I really did think these instances only happened to me. Also, that they were happening to me, instead of me making those choices. So, the whole idea of someone else knowing and doing my personal mode of operation really struck a chord with me. And I had to sit with it a bit and take a closer look at myself and my behaviors. Actually, I guess just coming to terms with the fact that they were my behaviors that I had chosen, and so I could just as easily choose different behaviors with different outcomes, ie, non-sabotaging behaviors. 

You’re no longer sabotaging situations when they’re going well. You’re seeing things for what they are instead of through the lens of your past conditioning.

This led me to the second sentence about no longer seeing things through the lens of past conditioning. Meaning all those self-sabotaging behaviors were caused by past conditioning. And that it was the way we saw ourselves and thought about ourselves that led us to believe we weren’t worthy of having those positive things and experiences. Almost as if we got scared that if someone saw us with these things and experiences that made us feel so good, well we’d get in trouble for doing something bad. Like we’d get punished for having things be too good. And when I put it in that perspective, it just sounded silly. 

And all of this is leading me to Brianna Wiest’s The Mountain Is You. The subtitle is transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery. So, you see where this is going. I’m in the process of writing a longer post just about this book, but well, I’ve been having a hard time with that and so have been putting it off. Hah! Talk about self-sabotage. By the way, procrastination and perfectionism are both forms of self-sabotage. But I think I’ll focus on those in the Brianna Wiest post, once I finally get to it.

I’ve also heard that procrastination and perfectionism and other forms of self-sabotage are all coming from your ego. That it’s your ego that whispers all those things about you not being ready for it, or not being good enough for it, or not being worthy of it. That you should just quit while you’re ahead, or at least not behind. Because trying and failing, or worse, making a fool of yourself in the process would certainly put you behind, right? And what about all those other people who are judging you, those who will think negatively about you if you make it, and those who will be the “I told you so’s” when you fail. It feels like a no-win situation, and so self-sabotage feels so much safer. But all these negative thoughts are coming from your ego! And if you follow this train of thought, focusing on egoistic thoughts would make you an egoist, right? Well, do you think of yourself as an egoist? Do you want to think of yourself as an egoist? 

If not, then wouldn’t that make the case for not sabotaging yourself? For me, it has helped. To remind myself that all those negative nelly voices in my head that give me reason (however false it is) to sabotage most of the good things in my life are all just my ego speaking, and I don’t want to think of myself as an egoist. At that point, I’m able to quiet those voices, and avoid those self-sabotaging behaviors. 

You do not have to validate the failure any longer.

I’m kind of seeing these self-sabotaging behaviors that come from past conditioning as being the opposite of rose colored glasses. I mean, if you look at the world through rose colored glasses, then it is from past conditioning that you always see the best in everything and go after the good things. Versus your past conditioning teaching you that you deserve things that are less than and not as good, and then sabotaging all those good things instead of embracing them. 

On that note I’d like to point out the quote just above, courtesy of The Conscious Empath. Especially the part about, “you’re going to be given the gift of fully seeing an old pattern that is upholding past failures. This is a pattern that you have repeated so many times… you have the opportunity to change that. You do not have to validate the failure any longer.”

I hope we all have the energy to heal from past conditioning and move beyond our self-sabotaging behavior so that each of us will be able to enjoy A Potted Oasis of our own.