Brene Brown’s Call to Courage
Brene Brown has a special on Netflix about vulnerability. It’s about an hour, and if you want some inspiration about courage and vulnerability I highly recommend it. I was planning on jotting down my opinions and thoughts about the special, but honestly, I found so much of it inspirational. So I’m going to put down some of her thoughts that really spoke to me, and let them (her) speak for herself.
First off she has a TED talk. This is how she got her start as an inspirational speaker and author.
She also references her book, Daring Greatly. I have this on my to read list.
And now for some highlights from her Netflix special:
Time is the big, precious, unrenewable resource.
Theodore Roosevelt: “It’s not the critic who counts. It’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done it different. The credit belongs to the person who’s actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes up short again and again and again, and who in the end, while he may know the triumph of high achievement, at least when he fails, he does so daring greatly.”
You can’t have courage without vulnerability.
- Live in the arena. Be brave with your life. Show up. Take chances. If you’re brave with your life, you choose to live in the arena, you’re going to get your ass kicked. You’re going to fall. You’re going to fail. You’re going to know heartbreak. Say to self: “today I choose courage over comfort. -Today I’m going to choose to be brave. And I know what that means.” You’re going to know failure (not just risk failure – but know) if you’re brave with your life.
- Vulnerability is not about winning. It’s not about losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability is our most accurate way to measure courage.
- If you are not in the arena, getting your ass kicked on occasion because you were being brave, I am not interested in or open to your feedback about my work.
It’s not that you don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, Just don’t give a shit what some people think. And then really solicit feedback from the people that do give you good feedback. Such as: people who love you, not despite your imperfection and vulnerability, but because of your imperfection and vulnerability. Their feedback matters.
“You show me a woman who can sit with a man in real shame and fear and vulnerability and just be with him, and I’ll show you a woman who’s done her work and doesn’t derive her status or power from that guy.”
“You show me a guy who can sit with a woman who’s in real shame and fear and vulnerability and not fix anything but just listen, and I’ll show you a guy who’s done his work and doesn’t derive his power and status from being Oz, the fixer of all things.”
Vulnerability is the center of shame, scarcity, fear, anxiety, uncertainty; but it’s also the birthplace of love, joy, belonging. To love is to be vulnerable.
The people who could really lean into joy, who didn’t dress rehearse tragedy. They didn’t practice the terrible things. They just leaned in. The one thing they all share is: gratitude.
“Picture memory”: sometimes when I’m really grateful and things are just amazing, I close my eyes and take a picture memory, so when I feel lonely or things are hard, I can remember it.” Taking a moment and just committing to just that feeling.
Effort and taking a chance don’t always work out. But I don’t ever see anything that pays off without effort and taking a chance.
If there’s no vulnerability, there’s no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation.
Choose courage over comfort.
To not have the conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege. We have to be able to choose courage over comfort. And then you’re going to be grateful for that moment and take learning it into your own hands, not make other people responsible for teaching it, and that’s how we move forward.
Giving feedback, receiving feedback, problem solving, ethical decision making,… these are all born of vulnerability.
Brave leaders are never silent around hard things.
Myths of vulnerability
- Vulnerability is weakness.
- I don’t do vulnerability
- I can go it alone.
- You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability
- Trust comes before vulnerability
- Vulnerability is disclosure
Give me a single example of courage that did not require uncertainty, risk or emotional exposure.
Only 2 options: You do vulnerability knowingly, or vulnerability does you.
And when you don’t acknowledge your vulnerability, you work your shit out on other people. Stop working your shit out on other people. Don’t offload your hard stuff on other people.
It’s a slow stacking over time of vulnerability and trust. The more I share with you the more you honor that sharing. You share with people who have earned the right to hear your story. Your story is a privilege to hear. Vulnerability minus boundaries: not vulnerability
Vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability.
You measure vulnerability by the amount of courage to show up and be seen when you can’t control the outcome.
Let’s all be courageous enough to create A Potted Oasis of our own!
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