Leaving Space for You

The other day, I saw a headline from Elephant Journal, something about “Dear lover, I’m holding space in my life for you, but I’m not waiting for you.” And I thought this was so profound. 

On the surface, this is what you tell yourself, that’s what we all tell each other, right? Don’t wait for the guy, he’ll come when it’s time, when he’s ready. The right one will show up, and you won’t have to actually do anything at all. But it feels a bit like when you work on focusing on other things, ANY other things, it’s like you’re trying to crowd out your focus on “The One.” And then, at least for me, I get a bit panicky, because when you think about manifesting what you want, you’re told to focus on it, or maybe more so on the feeling that thing, that person will invoke. The feeling you want to have with them, focus on that. Which is good, ok, I can do that. But then, at the same time, we’re all told, don’t focus on that guy so much. You’re obsessing. You’ll push him away if you focus too hard on him specifically. Don’t hang around, moping, waiting for him to show up and be ready for you. 

And I can see the truth in all this. When there’s a guy I like, whether he’s in my direct orbit or not, I find that the stories I make up in my head about us in some way has me waiting for him. Waiting for him to want to move in together so I’ll know where I want to move to. Waiting for him to take care of some/parts/a lot(?) of the finances, since I’m not making near what I want to be financially. Waiting for him to have someone to do fun things with, like a friend. Now truthfully, all of these things I can take care of myself. All of these things I have a plan with actionable steps to do so I can take care of myself, and so I don’t have to wait for him to do these things for me. Even more so, I find that while I’m “calling in the one,” I’m also holding him at arm’s length because I want to have all those other things in place before he shows up, because they will make me feel like a complete person. Having enough financially to make my own way, having interests and friends to do them with. These are things that I do want to already have in place so that I’m not totally dependent on one single person. So, I sort of have a push-pull feeling. 

But when I find someone I like, and this happens more when I do have an actual person in mind and not just a vague idea of what I want this person to be like, I find that I tend to spend more of my energy focusing on this person, and what it will be like to be with them, instead of focusing on getting my own stuff together. And even though I’m telling myself not to wait for him, I find that most of my time is spend thinking of him, and then less time is spent taking care of me. And of course, then not only am I not moving myself in a direction of being ready for “the one” when he does finally show up, but I’m feeling guilty because I’m letting myself down. Definitely, it feels like I’m waiting for him to show up on his White Horse and carry me away to “happily ever after.” 

So, the phrase “leaving space for you” feels much more fitting. It leaves things open for someone to come into my life, but at the same time gives me the freedom to not obsess too much, and for me to not worry so much about the when, where, and how. It leaves space for not just them, but also me.

I’m going to use this post as my wake-up call. I need to leave space for you; and also, I need to leave space for me. I need to leave space for my own interests, so I’ve decided to volunteer at a local farm/animal sanctuary. I need to leave space for my own projects, so I’m going to get real with this blog and post more consistently. I need to leave space for building new relationships and friendships, I moved just prior to COVID and so haven’t been able to form too many new friendships but am looking to start, maybe I’ll meet some nice people at the farm. So here I go, making these promises to myself, and sending out these vibes into the universe. I’m ready to work on my own Potted Oasis!